Maybe you're born with it!

We are all born as emotionally expressive. And thank god we were because if we didn't emote, the human race likely would have ended quite some time ago.

Emotions are UNIVERSAL.

Emotional experiences are a part of being human. We can't avoid them (sorry). And we definitely can't completely control them or which experiences we will or won't have in life.

What is an emotional experience? Well! Pretty much anything and almost everything.

Spill your morning coffee by accident - emotion! Get married - emotion! Finish high school - emotion! See an awesome sunset - emotion! First kiss - emotion! Natural disaster - emotion! Speeding ticket - emotion! Sleeping in - emotion! Lost luggage - emotion!

In fact, can you name some type of lived human experience where emotion DOES NOT happen?

I'll wait.....Ok, maybe I won't! But you get the point.

We ALL express emotions. And even if we decided to hold it all in and not communicate our emotional experiences to others, that in itself is a form of communication (ummm? can you say cold shoulder and passive aggressive?!). Or as I like to call it - EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION.

(What can I say? Once a nurse, always a nurse!)

Ok ,so far we know we are born emotionally expressive, it is part of our survival and some how it is also a part of communication and even the beauty of life?! That's a big deal! Why aren't we taught about emotions in school?! And not just like acknowledging their existence, but like the differences of them, how they show up and what on earth to do with them when the DO show up.

Good question right?! I sure think so! We enter into "adulthood" and think we have everything we need and are ready to take on life.....and then life actually starts happening and emotions start showing up. Or maybe we don't even make it this far because emotions already show up, and well it's a lot.

Emotional literacy and emotional intelligence are pretty cool life skills, but they can be tricky to learn (at first). The problem arises not in the fact that we DON'T have emotions, but that we DO have them and don't always get the best tools and skills to work with them.

This is what I will call EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION WOUNDING. You can call it whatever you want. Simply put - we have emotions and don't get the support, acceptance, encouragement and tools to work with them. I will say the next part with a HUGE disclaimer - this is NOT to judge, criticize and or shame parents, teachers, caregivers etc. But in our developmental years we are shushed, pacified, scared into quietness, and or told to 'toughen up' or 'shake it off' when we have big emotions. And hey? Where do you think the adults got this from? You can see where if we started judging and shaming the adults, we would follow a VERY LONG line back in time. And this looses the whole point.

Our developmental years we are FULL of emotional experiences! And it can be amazing! Just watch a toddler see their first train or go down a waterslide for the first time. And it can be big and full of expression, like a toddler having their ice-cream slip off of the cone.

Emotions are not the problem. Let me say this again. EMOTIONS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.

Our values and conditioning around emotions, are the problem. We grow up in a family, in a society and culture, that has certain values on which emotions are acceptable and tolerable. And which ones frankly are not. To add insult to injury, in many societies there are weird "rules" about gendering emotions. Women aren't supposed to show anger. Men shouldn't show weakness in crying. Yikes! This is prime example of conditioning - and it doesn't matter if it came from our family or from the society around us.

This is emotional expression wounding. It hurts us all as humans that live in physical bodies that have emotions. Plain and simple.

Check out this 6 minute video all about why this is completely absurd to condition our emotional experiences. Teaser: it is about the emotional conditioning that "I should be stronger".

STOP SHAMING YOURSELF FOR THE BODY YOU LIVE IN, THAT DOES WHAT IS PHYSIOLOGICALLY NORMAL TO SITUATIONS AND ENVIRONMENTS.

Emotions guide us and show us our borders, boundaries and our values. They show us what we love, and where we find injustice in the world. Emotions connect us. They inspire us. And the motivate us. This is better than gold. So let's find ways to harness their power. Instead of feeling over powered by them.

Emotions are simply ENERGY in MOTION, in our physical body. So next time you are noticing emotions arising, remind yourself of this. You are alive and your body is experiencing a 'surge' of energy. Emotions are the compilation of PHYSICAL SENSATIONS - heart pounding, warmth to the chest, sinking in the gut, tingling hands, cold feet, a hot head or whatever you notice. If you are not feeling too sure about your specific emotions, maybe try logging them or journalling about them.

Here are a couple starters to try:

1) Describe the factual situation of what created that surge of emotion for you.

2) Reflect on what you specifically felt in your physical body - the SENSATIONS.

3) If you feel it helpful, you can rate the physical experience with a 0-10 scale, 10 being incredibly intense physical sensations.

4) Name this emotion - there are generally 9 common emotions. See here.

5) REPEAT this practice and you will start to build up your experiential knowledge of your unique body physical sensations in response to lived experiences - your emotional experiences.

THIS BUILDS YOUR OWN UNIQUE EMOTIONAL LITERACY.

And the more emotionally literate you are, the more emotionally intelligent you will become - which is great! Because emotional intelligence is not only our ability to know our own emotions but to be able to better identify emotions in other people. And this my friends, is the roots of EMPATHY.

Emotions can be tricky yes, I won't sugar coat that. And often when one emotion arises, there are often a few other tag alongs. But honestly, you know what is more painful and full of intense suffering?

Experiencing emotions, not knowing how to name them, and to understand your physical body that is having them. And to never learn the language of your unique emotions. This is the epitome of suffering!

I promise it is not as scary as it may sound (or feel). Start slow - maybe just track two emotions you can identify and feel mostly ok working with. Happiness and sadness. Track 1-3 days of factual events and when either of these emotions arose for you.

Journey on my friends!

Chrissy

“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don't lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”

― Sabaa Tahir